How to speak Snowflake, by Michael Korman

How to Speak Snowflake

In today’s inflammatory social media environment, it can be difficult to understand the language of snowflakes. Since it’s based entirely on blame and shame, they don’t talk about themselves…only you.

Nonetheless, like all human language, Snowflake is fundamentally designed to express the needs and feelings of the speaker.

I thought I’d give a brief guide to some of the essential words and phrases.

What the snowflake says: “Justice”
What you should hear: “Revenge”

What the snowflake says: “You’re gaslighting me.”
What you should hear:I have a different interpretation of the events than you do.”

What the snowflake says:You have no empathy.
What you should hear:I don’t know how to express myself clearly.

What the snowflake says:You’re being unkind.
What you should hear:It’s your job to make me feel safe and happy.

What the snowflake says:You’re projecting.
What you should hear:I know you are, but what am I?

What the snowflake says:Fairness
What you should hear:Revenge

What the snowflake says:You’re just trying to get attention.
What you should hear:I want to say “shut up”, but I’m too nice.

What the snowflake says:You’re just seeking validation.
What you should hear:I want to say “shut up”, but I’m too nice.

What the snowflake says:You’re arrogant and condescending.
What you should hear:Keep talking. My anger feels good.

What the snowflake says:You’re a narcissist.
What you should hear:I’m envious of you, but I hate myself too much to say so.

What the snowflake says:You’re being rude.
What you should hear:I would lynch you if I could, but for now I’ll just shame you.

What the snowflake says:Learn to read the room.
What you should hear:I hope you die alone and friendless.

That should be enough to get you started. If you’ve come across any variations or regional dialects, please let me know.

I hope this handy translation guide will get you thinking about the correspondence between what you mean and what you say.


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