“I’m not a lazy person. Why can’t I meditate?”
“How much is a reasonable amount of work to put into meditation before I’m able to see any results?”
I meditated on and off for years. It didn’t seem like it was doing anything for me. It was too hard to sit still.
Here’s the thing:
When you sit and you’re thinking, “I’m not making any progress. Nothing’s changing”…and you get worked up because of that..then that needs to be the object of your meditation because that’s what’s getting in your way.
It’s not like doing a handstand where you can see it, take a photograph of it, post it on Instagram and everybody can see that you mastered it. It’s not that kind of thing.
But, if that’s the minimum condition for you to think you’ve made progress, then THERE’s your issue.
Meditate on not wanting to meditate. You don’t have to “figure it out.” Just sit there and say, “I’m going to spend 5 minutes sitting here” and see what happens.
If those 5 minutes go by and it’s easy, great. However, if after 30 seconds, you say “I’m wasting my time. I have more important things to do. This isn’t going anywhere…”, then sit with that feeling until the timer goes off.
This will destroy your mind. Every cherished ideal, everything about yourself that you identify with, will be shredded to pieces.
That’s a good thing, but it’s confusing. Everything you think is true right now will be called into question, and you’ll have to renegotiate all of it.