Category: Email Archives

“Cooking is my meditation.”

“Drawing is my meditation.”

“Cleaning is my meditation.”

“Arguing with idiots online is my meditation.”

Fine. But, you should also sit. Sitting should be your meditation.

Why?

Because there are no distractions. There’s nothing but you and your own discomfort to keep you company.

“But Michael, mindful coloring is my meditation because it’s so relaxing and I get into the zone and it’s so therapeutic.”

Yeah, the same thing happens to me when I watch TV. That doesn’t make it meditation.

Meditation is about purifying your mind. It’s about coming to terms with your own previously-hidden impulses.

“Mindful coloring” (a cornerstone of the McMindfulness movement) is not meditation. It’s not “therapeutic” (whatever that means). It’s a way of zoning out so you don’t have to deal with reality.

“But Michael, are you saying that life should always be unpleasant??? Shouldn’t I be allowed to do mindful coloring if I want???”

No, I’m not saying life should always be unpleasant. I’m saying mindful coloring isn’t meditation.

(And of course you’re allowed to do it. Don’t put words in my mouth.)

“But Michael, didn’t you just post on Instagram yesterday a list of activities that you do, which you consider meditation?”

Yes, I did. Here’s the list:

• Drawing

• Piano

• Calligraphy

• Social media posts

• Emails

• Cooking

• Texting

• Yoga

• Walking

• Thinking

They are meditation when I do them. That’s because I’ve practiced enough actual meditation that I’ve changed the way I do other stuff to make it more like meditation.

They are almost certainly not meditation when you do them. That’s because you’re probably doing them the way society taught you to do them.

You should spend some time meditating. It will help you.

—Michael

Hi, my name’s Michael.

I teach meditation and piano online.

I released a new podcast episode today. It’s called “Calculus for Kindergarteners and Social Justice Warriors“, and it’s about exactly what the title sounds like.

If you’re having trouble moving while playing the piano, you might find it useful to look back at your childhood and try to unravel exactly how you were traumatized.

(I say stuff like this knowing it’s going to piss off a bunch of you. So sorry. The rest of you will get value out of it, though.)

Here’s another tip for you: meditation will do NOTHING for you if you don’t DO it.

Come on, challenge me. I need it. Otherwise, my content is just going to be random nonsense. I literally have no idea what’s getting through and what’s not. It’s all just words to me.

Here’s the podcast episode again.

—Michael

Hey! This work is important to me. Stay out of the way.

I’m an INTP and my kindergarten teacher said I was “oppositional.”

Learn about why I started this online persona, why I hate McMindfulness, why I’m not a school shooter, and why you should clean your damn room instead of bugging me.

New podcast episode: Teachers, Back Off!.

People often ask me why I’m so angry at teachers. Well, if you listen to this episode, you’ll learn why.

I hope you find it validating.

If not, I hope you find it illuminating.

If not…I hope you at least drop me a note before unsubscribing.

Listen to the episode

—Michael

Sometimes, I get pissed off because I attract so many rescuers.

Fine.

You guys can try to rescue me if you want.

Be warned that I might fight back (because my business is none of your damn business).

I started this business to make money. I can’t help it if I attract people who like me for other reasons. I guess I’m just that attractive.

That’s my cross to bear.

“But Michael, you’re not showing any appreciation for me!”

That’s right, I’m not.

It’s not my job to show appreciation for you. It’s my job to help the people who might be helped by the type of work I know how to do.

(For those of you who aren’t up to speed on what rescuer syndrome is, listen to my podcast about the Drama Triangle.)

—Michael

P.S. If you’re wondering what exactly makes something “rescuer” behavior as opposed to just being helpful, rescuers get angry when you don’t accept their help.

”Life is inherently meaningless, so you have to create your own meaning.”

I used to obsess over this lack of meaning, and the obvious freedom in being able to define my own meaning.

Am I a good person? Yeah, I can think of many good things I’ve done.

Am I a bad person? Sure, I’ve done lots of bad things.

Damn it…

They told me: “Michael, you need to make your own meaning.” So, I replied: “But you don’t understand how complicated things are.”

The truth is that I didn’t understand how simple things are. Meditation (the kind where you sit and watch your mind at work) has made it clear how simple things are.

Nowadays, I understand that my own subjective experience is the best way to form conclusions about the nature of reality.

“Michael, that’s crazy! How can you say your subjective experience is more correct than anyone else’s?”

Hold on, that’s not what I’m saying.

What I’m saying is that my own subjective experience is the best way to form conclusions about the nature of reality.

I have no access to anyone else’s subjective experience. Therefore, even if it were better than my own, I couldn’t possibly use it.

Even their recounting of their own subjective experience is still being filtered through my subjective experience. What I’m hearing is being shaped by my biases, learning history, personality, and what I ate for lunch that day.

Remember why you want to understand the nature of reality. Is it so you can impress your friends with how much you know? No, of course not. It’s so you can create meaning in a way that works for you, that makes your life better.

(Your goal is to get out of the pit of despair, right???)

This isn’t a word game, woo-woo bullshit, or any kind of dogma I’m asking you to believe. Nor am I offering a mathematical proof or scientific evidence.

Rather, it’s an invitation to take a look at your own subjective experience and get clear on what exactly it’s capable of offering you.

You’ve been hearing a lot from your teachers, your friends, priests, rabbis, and politicians.

Now, it’s time to ask your own mind what’s up.

—Michael

P.S. If you want to know more about how to deal with nihilism, check out @katie.sula.exists on Instagram.

”Every time I make a mistake, I stop.”

This is a bad habit, and you should stop doing it.

“But Michael, I can’t stop stopping!”

Right, that’s because it’s a firmly ingrained habit.

“So, how can you tell me to stop stopping, then?”

I didn’t say it would be easy. I said it’s a bad habit, and you should stop doing it.

You know it’s a bad habit. That’s why you’re complaining about it.

But, you also know it’s hard to change. That’s because it is hard to change.

You CAN change. One step at a time.

Every single time you make a mistake and DON’T stop, you’re forging a new path. Keep going, and you WILL get there.

How to Make Mistakes

—Michael

P.S. Yes, I know some of you don’t care about piano playing. Your loss.

P.P.S. Yes, I know some of you don’t like that I’m telling you what to do. Of course, you’re deliberately misunderstanding what I’m doing, just to sabotage my business. I’ve got my eye on you guys.