Category: Email Archives

This morning, I meditated for too long.

Whenever I set a timer, there’s always a fear in my mind that the timer won’t go off, and I’ll be stuck meditating indefinitely.

I set Insight Timer for 60 minutes, as usual. I definitely heard the starting bell.

But, I just kept sitting.

“This can’t be right…”, I thought.

Well, it was right. 90 minutes had passed.

So angry. This thing had ONE JOB.

OK, I guess I’d better log 90 minutes by hand, because the app apparently crashed somewhere in the middle.

I opened the log and found that it had recorded 60 minutes. WTF.

Alright, I’ll put in 30 minutes by hand.

No, it doesn’t like that. You can’t enter a time in the future.

(See, when you add a log entry in Insight Timer, the default time is the current time. So, you have to backdate it)

Easier said than done. The time widget in Insight Timer requires you to select hours, minutes, and seconds by spinning three wheels like in The Price is Right.

It felt like another half hour had passed by the time I was done.

As much as I hate Insight Timer, you should still use a timer when you meditate. This makes it much easier to accept whatever comes up during meditation. That’s because you can trust the timer to take you from the beginning to the end of the sit.

(That’s a lie. You can’t trust the timer)

If you’re having trouble making meditation into a consistent habit, check out No Problem.

We've all tried to develop habits that we know are good for us. And we've failed at most of them. At least I have.

But, persistence pays off here. If you keep trying new approaches, you will eventually find something that clicks. People get stuck when they stop trying new things.

Radical acceptance will make it easier for you to try new things. This is your best chance of success.

I know, I know: this isn't the story you were taught as a kid.

You were taught that the way to develop habits is to TRY REALLY HARD. To say, “Yeah, I know, I should…”, or “I just need to…”, or whatever you say.

Those strategies don't work (do you even think of them as “strategies”? You should).

Meditation will never be a consistent habit until you find a way to enjoy meditation. I don't mean enjoy the idea of meditation. I mean enjoy meditation itself.

The only way to do that is radical acceptance of whatever shows up.

Go ahead, argue with me. I'm not budging on this one.

(P.S. I have a free guided meditation you might like.)

You can't make meditation a consistent habit without practicing radical acceptance.

That's my conclusion, and I'm sticking to it.

Don't take my word for it. Please, don't. Try it for yourself and see what happens.

As a musician, I've spent a lot of time practicing. Same problem there. If you're constantly fighting yourself, you aren't going to enjoy practicing, and you won't do it. That's no fun.

Meditation made this even more obvious to me.

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

That's super-important.

It doesn't mean you have to like what's happening. It just means you have to stop fighting it.

How do I know this?

I don't. I'm just saying it.

You be the judge.

Look at your own experiences. All of them. That's why it's called “radical” acceptance. You have to allow anything and everything to happen while you're meditating.

This isn't easy. It takes practice. Don't think you're just going to “get it” and everything will be fine. It doesn't work that way.

But, I bet right now there are things you are definitely not accepting.

There's only one way to find out. Sit down and try to meditate. Notice what forces you to stop.

That's a thing, right there. A sensory experience. What is it???

Do it, and see what happens.

You can't expect to have a consistent meditation habit unless you work this way. There's literally no other option.

I'm going to talk about this on Instagram live at 7:00 PM EST tonight (@no.michael.here).

I want to tell you a story about videos. First, however, I want to let you know that tomorrow afternoon (Friday, at 2:00 PM EST), I am doing a zoom meditation session. We'll meditate, and then talk about meditation. It's free. If you're interested, let me know below.

Now, for the story:

I've always been more comfortable writing than speaking.

There's more time to edit. I'm able to phrase things just right. I have time to anticipate objections and plan my rebuttals. And, there's no pressure to perform on the spot.

But, it was frustrating how, when I WAS put on the spot, I couldn't communicate.

Several years ago, I was sitting in an opera company staff meeting, and we were brainstorming ideas (I hate when extroverts do that).

Everyone was throwing ideas out, left and right. I was the only introvert in the room, and I said nothing. I doubt anyone knew I had any ideas worth mentioning.

This has happened hundreds of times in my life.

Then, while learning about marketing, I discovered videos. I was encouraged to make short, unedited videos without fixing any mistakes.

I was skeptical at first, but as soon as I tried it, I saw the power.

This was a chance, not only to express my opinions, but to LEARN HOW to express them.

Since then, I've made hundreds of videos. My writing is still ahead of my speaking, but speaking is not too far behind.

I enjoy speaking now. I don't feel stuck when I have to express ideas. I feel free and powerful.

This is why I want to help you make videos. It's not because videos are better than writing, but because of what the process will do for you.

Watch my videos. Listen to my podcast (both the solo episodes and conversations I've had with others). You will see how easy it is for me to express opinions.

People frequently remark on how brave I am. That's bizarre to me, as the 11-year-old kid who froze in silence every time he had to do a presentation in front of the class.

There's a book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I have no idea if it's a good book. Maybe I would love it.

But, I hate the title.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a meeting of a local piano teachers association (I was the secretary 😂).

Someone was explaining how students need to perform in front of audiences, whether they are comfortable with it or not. Of course, this book was used as justification.

I felt sick, thinking of all the kids enrolled in piano lessons against their will, being forced into terrifying situations which will undoubtedly leave horrible memories of piano lessons in their minds for the rest of their lives.

(I guess I feel a little bit better when I imagine how most of those memories will be repressed…)

Teachers and parents love to say things like “feel the fear and do it anyway.” No one wants their kids to be wimps.

And there's even truth here. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway is exactly how you learn and grow. You have to step outside of your comfort zone if you want to make progress and lasting change.

But, it has to be done willingly.

You can't force it. You can't shame someone into doing it.

That will always backfire.

If you ain't willing, then you won't DO IT. You'll hold back. And then, the “holding back” will become the new pattern. This is what we call PTSD.

It must be done for fun.

“Don't do anything that isn't play.”
—Marshall B. Rosenberg

At the end of the day, we're all wimps about something. It's not a character flaw. It just means you're smart and don't want to get hurt.

My social media posts (and these emails), are a way of exposing myself to fear in a playful way.

It's terrifying, but it's also liberating. Every time I click “send” on an email, I feel that fear in a strong way (social media is a bit easier, since I can edit posts afterwards…but email is permanent…no take-backs).

A year ago, posting videos of myself talking on social media would have been IMPOSSIBLY DIFFICULT. Now, I do it several times a week.

If you're wondering if it might benefit you, too, TRY IT. Let's Hear It will help you get started.

If the idea is way too scary, reply to this email and tell me about it.