Piano Boot Camp
I’m really excited about this 1-1 online program. It’s a replacement for traditional piano lessons, but it only lasts 2 weeks (you can do it more than once, though).
It’s for you if you have some experience with piano and you’ve realized you can’t do it on your own. If you’ve never touched a piano before, or if you think you can do it on your own, it’s not for you.
Duration: 2 weeks
What you get: For the duration of the 2 weeks, we’ll work together over DM. I’ll give you homework assignments and you’ll do them. You can ask me any questions you’d like, and I’ll give you whatever answers I think are appropriate.
The catch: You must take the assignments seriously. If you don’t do your homework on time (24 hours), I kick you out and keep your money.
Cost: $1,000 USD
If you’ve had bad experiences with “discipline” in the past: It’s entirely understandable for you to be reluctant to welcome more discipline and structure. Keep in mind that making a personal choice to add more discipline to your life doesn’t validate any mistreatment you may have experienced as a child. As an adult, you have the right to design your life on your terms.
The core idea behind the program is accountability: don’t do the work…get kicked out and lose your money.
Talk is cheap. Anyone can say they want to work hard, to make progress, to learn. Anyone can pay for someone to “yes” them, to stroke their ego. Put your money where your mouth is.
Has anyone ever said NO to you? I doubt it. That’s why nothing’s ever changed. You make excuses, bullshit your way out of anything you don’t like, and people feel bad for you.
Nobody wants to be the bad guy, to say NO, to deprive you of the basic happiness that’s the right of all human beings. It takes strength to do that.
I’m not a strong person, but I’m willing to be strong, for you. For your money.
“Michael, you sound like a meanie!”
I’m doing my job.
Why Piano is Hard
Piano is hard because your ego’s running the show.
“Is this satire?”
Do you think this language of yours is helping you learn piano? Of course not. In fact, it’s WHY you suck at piano. Either do your homework or don’t. Call me “mean” if you want. As long as you pay me, I don’t care.
But, the fact is that I do care. That’s why I block people, why I delete comments. Because I don’t like being called names.
That’s why this service I’m offering you is VALUABLE.
I’m not going to take abuse for free. You pay and then you get the privilege of leveling (a small amount of) abuse against me. In return, I’ll stand up for what’s right.
You’ll benefit from it. If you don’t agree, you know where the door is.
Why You Need a Piano Teacher
You need someone to put limits on you.
“Do you really believe that’s going to help me learn piano? Can’t you just be an encouraging teacher? Can’t you just believe in people, show forgiveness, and meet them where they’re at?”
Meet you where you’re at? No, that’s not what you need. You’re a jerk. A control freak. You go through life and want everyone else to conform.
“But…you’re trying to get me to conform right now!”
Only if you pay me money.
YOU want me to conform because you’re a control freak. I, on the other hand, will only try to make you conform if you voluntarily sign up.
We’re not the same.
YOU love it when people try to control you because it gives you justification for abusing them. But I don’t love it and I don’t abuse people when they do it to me. Instead, I pull away.
But, if you pay money, I’m willing to show up. To hold you accountable. To take on some of the abuse that happens when one tries to control people who don’t want to be controlled.
A Unique Format
Unlike traditional online lessons, we won’t meet on a live video call. Instead, we’ll communicate over DM (direct message) on Instagram.
“But, I want an hour of your time. I’d rather meet on Zoom.”
Right, because you’re an entitled control freak.
You want to monopolize an hour of my time, to force me to listen to your excuses, to your whining, with no ability to interrupt. Because it’s rude to interrupt people in real life. We’re supposed to synchronize with others, give them space, allow them to talk. Those are the rules of etiquette, the rules of procedure in a real-time, one-on-one conversation.
I need time to process the bullshit you throw at me. To meditate and let my body deal.
My job is to help you see your blind spots. That’s it.
How to Master Piano
I can tell you RIGHT NOW how to learn piano: sit down and spend time on it. We don’t need to meet for an hour at a time.
What else do you think you need? The right exercises? Making sure there’s no mistakes? Having someone sit there and point out when you’re on the wrong track? Correct your posture? Tell you when your hands are over the wrong keys? Yell at you to BE CAREFUL?
It takes THOUSANDS of hours to master piano. You won’t get there just because I put your hands over the right keys. You’ve got to spend the time and figure it out.
Your demands are too high. You think I exist only to serve you.
But this is my world. You’re here to serve me.
When you’re an artist, you get to create your own world (presumably, that’s why you want to learn piano). The problem is, no one ever modeled the CREATOR MINDSET for you when you were a kid. You have no sense of it because you’ve never had any contact with it. In your childhood, everything was SHAME and BLAME.
For you, everything is an emergency, a fire to be put out. You have no patience for sitting there and JUST CREATING. No patience for taking responsibility for the environment you create, for the characters you put on the stage.
Someone needs to say, “no, I won’t let you sleepwalk through this whole thing.”
“This is horrible! How can you be so arrogant!?”
Art is arrogant.
The artist must play God, saying: “Reality isn’t good enough as-is. I’m making my own world.” It doesn’t get more arrogant than that.
You can’t have it both ways. Either be modest, or be a CREATOR.
“You’re being condescending and argumentative.”
Pay me and then we can argue (and I can set appropriate boundaries). Until then, read my writing, watch my videos, and imagine yourself in the shoes of someone who’s “going at it” with me.
I hope you enjoy your free samples.
Is Piano Bootcamp Right For Me?
Answer 1: Do you want results or not?
Answer 2: How would I know?
I’m too self-absorbed for this question. The whole point is that I’m self-absorbed and I’m going to help you become self-absorbed. Yet, you’re asking me to have all this empathy and understanding for you, a total stranger.
About the Teacher
I know what I’m talking about. I have a master’s degree in piano. I’ve made hundreds of videos showing how to do all kinds of things. I’ve had experiences, studied with famous teachers. I’ve struggled. I’ve taught myself skills, writing with both hands, italic calligraphy, drawing, classical guitar. Either you want it or you don’t.
The Benefits of Online Lessons
Maybe there’s some energetic transfer that happens only when two people are experiencing time and space together. It’s possible. I’ll give you that one.
But, here’s the thing: I don’t like interacting with people in real life. I like to keep my schedule flexible. I don’t want to block out a whole hour where all I’m doing is sitting there dealing with your crap.
Besides, it’s not needed for piano. You do the work (on your own) and you learn.
I’d love to support you along the way.