I could find a million people who would agree with you that your partner is responsible for treating you with respect and should change. But, look at your own experience: has it worked, telling them they’re responsible and should change? Or, has it driven them further away?

Here’s what you can do:

  1. Make a commitment to a goal of improving your relationship, rather than figuring out who’s right or wrong.
  2. Notice what effect your behavior is having on your partner’s behavior.
  3. Notice how your behavior is caused by your feelings and notice what those feelings are.
  4. Notice how your feelings are caused by your unmet needs and NOT by your partner’s behavior.
  5. Commit to taking responsibility for meeting your own needs.
  6. Find ways of getting your needs met, which may or may not involve your partner

If you do these 6 things, I predict your partner will be much more willing to help you meet your needs.

See also my page on Nonviolent Communication.

For women who have uncommunicative partners:

If you’re ready to take a positive step forward, you might be interested in Get Him Talking, a $5 lesson that will give you an exercise to do.

For more hands-on help, you can apply to my Uncommunicative Husband Coaching Program.

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Blog posts about relationships

About the Author Michael Korman

I help pianists with meditation. I also help meditators with piano.

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