I could find a million people who would agree with you that your partner is responsible for treating you with respect and should change. But, look at your own experience: has it worked, telling them they’re responsible and should change? Or, has it driven them further away?
Here’s what you can do:
- Make a commitment to a goal of improving your relationship, rather than figuring out who’s right or wrong.
- Notice what effect your behavior is having on your partner’s behavior.
- Notice how your behavior is caused by your feelings and notice what those feelings are.
- Notice how your feelings are caused by your unmet needs and NOT by your partner’s behavior.
- Commit to taking responsibility for meeting your own needs.
- Find ways of getting your needs met, which may or may not involve your partner
If you do these 6 things, I predict your partner will be much more willing to help you meet your needs.
See also my page on Nonviolent Communication.
For women who have uncommunicative partners:
If you’re ready to take a positive step forward, you might be interested in Get Him Talking, a $5 lesson that will give you an exercise to do.
For more hands-on help, you can apply to my Uncommunicative Husband Coaching Program.