No, it hasn’t been a cheerful Christmas season for me.
For those who don’t know, I was involved in a serious romantic relationship for the better part of a year with someone I met on Instagram. 6 months ago, she disappeared and blocked me everywhere without any warning. She told people I was a stalker and that she had never consented to being in a relationship with me.
I got harassing messages from a bunch of strangers about it. Several of my friends told me to get over it and have more self-respect. It was hard to find people who could validate my experience.
It was awful.
For 4 months, it was just like “whatever”, and then suddenly everything about Christmas reminds me of her.
I was at Walgreens and felt sad. We used to send each other pictures of funny things we saw at the store.
Untangling these damn earbuds…
I got them on my dad’s birthday, right before she disappeared. I think they’re the same earbuds she uses (or at least they’re white like hers).
I was so excited to have a headset with a microphone that I could use to talk to her instead of my stupid Bluetooth headset that’s never charged and never stays in my ear. It was hard being in a long-distance relationship wrestling with technology.
I never even got a chance to tell her about them. Fuck.
Now, they’re falling apart. The wires are exposed. That makes the loss even worse.
On New Year’s Eve, I ate oil-cured olives. My mom used to like them because of how salty they are. I don’t think I’ve eaten them since before she died. I feel sad.
Eating ice cream and playing chess on my phone is a great way to numb the pain.