When you lose someone important to you, the fact that you can’t talk about it without freaking out everyone else is almost worse than the loss itself.
I’ve been reading Amazon reviews for books on grief, trying to figure out why people buy them.
My mom died a few years ago, and I never bought any books on grief. But, I certainly noticed how awkward people got. Or, maybe it was just me. Same difference.
I think that’s why they buy the books…trying to deal with the awkwardness.
All the tiny decisions you now have to make:
- Do I have this conversation with this person?
- Do I put myself in this situation which might lead to a conversation with this person?
- Do I throw this thing out or keep it?
- Do I act this way or that way?
The stress of these decisions accumulates until finally you say “I can’t deal with this grief anymore.”
Losing people isn’t a problem. It’s just sadness which comes and goes like any other feeling.
But the stuckness caused by these cultural forces…it grows and grows if you don’t deal with it.